I hold the cookies. You must pee on the lawn...

Dear Dogs,

Yes, it is cold outside. I understand that you are unhappy with this situation. However, sitting on the lawn and shivering instead of doing that which must be done will only prolong our mutual dissatisfaction with the temperature.

This is not a battle which you will win, unless you learn to use the toilet, in which case I will feed you cheeseburgers every night.

Love,
Shiny Red Treat Holder