Guest post in which Amy considers Christmas...

"The 12 Days of Christmas", I think, really beautifully illustrates
the escalating panic, uncertainty, and throw-money-at-it
problem-solving of the Christmas shopping season. It begins with a
whimsical, tasteful and thoughtful gift: a pear tree is beautiful
*and* practical, one partridge in it would be pretty, and possibly a
good meal. He probably ordered it online weeks ahead of time, and got
a good deal on it. Then it's like:

"Well, she seemed to like the bird thing, I'll stick with that: turtle
doves! aww, adorable!...um...french hens! sure!...  dunno, swans???

"...hmmmm. Maybe the birds are getting old. Yes! FIVE GOLDEN RINGS,
BABY!! ONE FOR EACH FINGER! BLAMMO!

Oh shit, there's a whole nother week??

"Jesus, I dunno, maybe like, a whole crap-ton of birds? No? OK, the
bird thing is definitely tired. I'll just go down to the
mall/marketplace and see if I see anything that looks good...dang,
those milkmaids look good...holy crap, there's still 4 days left!! OK,
you know what? What the fuck ever, it's only money--drummers! dancers!
pipers! lords!"

Pass the grog.