Whale watch of death...

When we arrived at Provincetown this morning for our whale watch it was 66 degrees. And windy. Like 15 miles an hour windy.

I began to have misgivings, but being a brave mother I put on another sweater and got in line to check-in at the whale watch place.

The young couple in line in front of me were doomed.

The attractive couple had on short sleeved shirts and shorts. After a few minutes of standing in the cold the woman put on a light sweatshirt and shyly asked her boyfriend if he wanted her to go to the car to get his long-sleeved shirt. At first he poo-pooed her, but finally agreed. As she walked back to their car, the boyfriend walked up to the counter.

I overheard the whale watch ticket agent say, "This ride will require motion-sickness medication. The seas are extremely rough." The boyfriend asked what the medication was and if they have it on board.

"Yes, we sell it on board. Are you sure you still want to go?" the ticket agent asked.

Do you know what that idiot man did? He said, "Yes, I still want to go."

He must hate his girlfriend, because he just signed her up for a three hour barf fest. Not just any old barf fest either- a really cold barf fest. I bet she deleted his number from her phone. After what he did I bet she moved to another state and changed her name.

I watched him walk off in search of his girlfriend and stepped up to the counter.

The ticket agent, knowing that I had overheard his warnings to the last customer, asked, "Do you still want to go on? It ain't going to be pretty."

"No!" I yelped.

"You're smart" he said. "It's going to be bad out there."

I thanked him for his candor and merrily skipped away, happy in the knowledge that not only was I not going to die on the boat, now I could go shopping instead! Sometimes the universe intervenes and gently pushes you away from the whale watch of death and towards the mall, home of skee ball, the food court and the joys of retail therapy.

I may die tomorrow.

We are going on a whale watch tomorrow. On a boat. On the ocean. The vast cruel ocean.

So many things can go wrong.

The engines could fail.

The boat could sink.

Or be overtaken by pirates.

All the passengers could develop legionnaire's disease.

A storm could suddenly develop.

Or a freak wave!

What if Lily falls off?

What if I get seasick?

It may surprise you to know that I have a fairly narrow comfort zone. You know what is not a part of that comfort zone? Boats.

So just in case you never hear from me again, don't judge me for the mess that I left in the basement and please find a good home for the pugs. You guys can divide my junk up amongst yourselves, but please bury me in my new jeans. Thanks.