Banging seven gram rocks...

Warning: I am going to try to blog more often. Prepare yourself for drivel.

Things I managed to accomplish today:

1. Emptied the dishwasher twice.

2. Brought the trash to the curb once.

3. Paid $62 for gas. I was chatting with the gas station attendant and we were reminiscing about when gas was about a dollar a gallon. It was cheaper than milk! Cheaper than eggs! Sigh. I am now that lady who rants about the price of gas. #Loser

This week my obsession with primates reached a level of simian stupendousness never before seen at Shiny Red Houses. We went to the zoo yesterday and spent four hours hanging out with the gorillas. Seriously, Kiki and her baby sat on one side of the glass and we sat on the other. She loves looking at diamond rings (who doesn't) and when I put my hand to the glass she leaned closer, eyeball to gem to examine it more closely. We sketched pictures of her and showed her our versions of her. She looked them over with a critical eye and then moved back to the ring. She cannot be blamed. The quality of our art is not all that high.

This week Lily has been wearing a variety of fake mustaches. She likes to travel incognito and the overall effect is amusing. She has been compared to Freddy Mercury, Elliot Spitzer and Teddy Roosevelt. Thoughts?

The snow has melted leaving behind piles of soggy dog poop in the backyard. If I were very rich I would pay someone to clean up dog poop and to come over my floss my teeth every night.

Speaking of things on which rich people squander their money, it is thanks to Charlie Sheen that I realized that my working knowledge of the metric system is abysmal. When Charlie referred to banging seven gram rocks I wondered, just how much is that? Is it a quarter cup of rocks? Or more like a tablespoon? My shame is vast. Charlie Sheen knows the metric system and I do not.

I remember in the seventies there was a push for the metric system. It was going to be the new big thing- even Big Bird talked about it. But then Reagan got involved and declared the metric system the math of communists. Either way, it looked like extra math, so I ignored it and here I am today, a grown woman made to look stupid by Charlie Sheen. That my friends, is not #winning.

Conversation with Lily...

We've been spending a lot of time at the zoo this month since the kids are taking a homeschool class there. The class runs about two hours which gives me time to visit my favorite non-human primates- gorillas.

I watch the gorillas for the entire time I am there. I am like Jane Goodall, Diane Fossey, and Donna Reed all rolled into one.

I watch the gorillas. They watch me. We study each other.

After their class I brought the girls over to watch the gorillas too.

"Look at them!" I marveled. "They look so human!"

The girls were enraptured, Lily particularly so.

"I want to be a gorilla and live in the zoo!" she announced.

As one of the gorillas lifted a tush cheek Rebecca asked, "Does that gorilla have gas?"

The answer, I am sad to say, was that no, the gorilla did not have gas.

That gorilla, had poop, which he then proceeded to eat.

We researched this strange behavior. It turns out that gorillas get extra vitamins from eating their poop.

"Still want to be a gorilla?" Rebecca asked Lily.

"Yes!" Lily shouted.

"But, you'd have to eat your own poop!" Rebecca exclaimed.

"Well, if I were a gorilla I would need the extra vitamins and I would like eating my own poop." Lily answered.

And people say that homeschool kids are weird.