It's been a week since I've posted and I've been trying to understand my own reluctance to bring my thoughts here to share with you. This month marks one year since our family went through some really serious hardships. We were healthy and our family was strong, but the recession had hit us far harder then I ever imagined it could.
I was terrified. I was terrified by the very real possibility of putting our kids back in school, not because school was a bad place, but because of the amazing educational experience the girls and I were having together. I was coming to understand them in new ways and teaching them had become one of the greatest joys of my life. Every night for months I went to bed feeling scared and sick, knowing that if things did not improve the dynamics of our family would have to change so that I could get a job.
It would not have been the end of the world. I know this. I know how this sounds. I just loved my job of teaching them, of being with them and the thought of giving it up was sheer heartbreak.
We tightened our belts and then tightened them some more. We watched every dollar and made choices about what really mattered.
And then, slowly, things got better.
There were setbacks, but mostly things got better and the sick feeling in my gut slowly went away.
This month has been a difficult one, not because our circumstances have changed. On the contrary, our outlook is quite good.
December has been difficult because of the remembering. The approach of Christmas is linked in my mind like a shackle to those days of worry and stress. I worry that December will be ruined for me forever and that every year I will feel the tightening squeeze of anxiety pull at my heart.
I like to blog about the funny, the happy, and the triumphs, but sometimes I need to peek out from behind the curtain and invite you in and ask you for comfort.
Come round my table. I'll pour the tea and we'll share our troubles. We'll shoulder our burdens together with friendship and hope and we'll leave the table with lightened hearts.