Chemistry...

About a million years ago before the recession and it's long reign of suck, I used to get my nails done with acrylics every two weeks. My nails are soft and peel and I loved how hard the acrylics made them. I could tap meaningfully on the table and gesticulate with authority.

I tried to do my own acrylics, but you will just have to trust me when I tell you that it did not go well. Periodically I would google for super hard nail polishes and even tried a few, but nothing worked. They peeled and chipped and caused me no end of grief.

It was while googling nail polish that I stumbled upon a product that I had seen for years, but dismissed out of hand.

Glue on nails. Could there be anything tackier? Well, the more I read about this product the better it seemed. People raved about glue on nails! Who knew?

Finally, I decided that for 5.97 at Walgreens I'd give it a shot. It was love at first application. They look just like the acrylic nails I used to get and are so stinking cheap! The glue that comes with them isn't as strong as I'd like so I upgraded to a stronger nail glue.

I've been using these nails for about a month now. Once a week I peel them off and apply new ones. So easy.

I must however, offer one bit of caution. It involves nail glue, smoke and fire.

This week while applying my nails, I spilled some nail glue onto my nylon nightgown. It immediately started to feel very hot and then it began to smoke! I grabbed the glass of water next to me and dumped it on my lap which stopped the chemical reaction and saved me from needing some very embarrassing skin grafts.

The internet provided this, which while not being an explanation, provides a visual of what happens when nail glue goes wrong.

So boys and girls, fake nails are good. Super glue will set you on fire.


My job here is done.


(This was not a paid review. Kiss Nails has no idea who I am and would probably be horrified by my fire story if they did.)

Sale meat, pustules and poison ivy...

When I started this blog just a little over a year ago I imagined that I would blog a lot about home decorating and thrift stores. I had no idea how much of this blog would be about pus and misery.

First the good news:

I haven't used the dryer in over a week! Take that NStar! My umbrella clothes line has completely revolutionized my life. I can now do all of the wash in one day. I just wait for a day of sun and start washing and hanging. By the end of the day everything is dry. The children have been complaining about stiff towels, but I am teaching them to appreciate the exfoliating benefits of towels which have a faintly cardboard consistency to them.

In other news I have become a little old lady in my grocery shopping habits. Each week I scour the grocery ads for which store has the best sales on meat and produce. Lately I have been going to the Stop and Shop, which is generally a store I hate because the employees all seem to be suffering from major depression. I avoided the store for years, but have recently returned because they have personal scanner guns. I love these little machines. You scan each item and bag it right in your cart. Easy peasy and no getting sucked into a conversion with the grocery checker about why life is futile. Anyway, the Stop and Shop also puts $2 off coupons on meat the day before the "sell by" date. That is how I bought six chickens for $12 and twelve pork chops for $8. That's right recession! Who's laughing now?

The bad news:

David spent about a week in complete poison ivy induced misery. He was nearly completely covered. I say nearly, because I know that you are all wondering if the poison ivy affected his other injury. It did not, thank you gods of scrotal sanctity. David's poison ivy did provide us with some entertainment in the form of a rousing game of "Would You Rather?"

"Would you rather lose a testicle or have poison ivy for a month?"
"Would you rather have poison ivy for year or be impotent?"
"Would you agree to a year of poison ivy in exchange for one million dollars?"

Once he started a prescription for steroids we had to stop playing "Would You Rather?" because the roid rage set in and we just avoided him until it wore off.

Now that you know all about David's agony, we can play "Who's Got Pus?" Usually you can bet on Lily because she likes to play in dirt, however this time the bad boy of bacteria is Pugsley who has acute dermatitis. His little arms, legs and belly are covered in weepy pus filled blisters. Bless his sweet pug heart, he is now getting daily baths and an antibiotic. No roid rage though, and so for that I am grateful.