Saturday, May 22, 2010

In which David injures his manly bits or When manscaping goes bad...
Those of you who are David's friends on Facebook know that he suffered a dance related injury this week. He has been rehearsing like mad, the only man among a group of housewives, for the big recital this weekend. He has never been very good about holding back, or pacing himself and so during one of his rehearsals this week he pulled his groin.

I don't completely understand what this means, except that it results in copious swearing and the need to hold an ice pack in his lap. Kind of like his response to his vasectomy, actually.

Not one to let the show go on without him, he has been wearing an elaborate system of Ace bandages and surgical tape in order to protect his groin.

There is a problem with the use of surgical tape in such a delicate and hairy region of one's body. The tape kept getting stuck in certain hairs, certain hairs which I will not describe, but suffice it to say that these are private hairs.

David decided that shaving these hairs would solve the problem. Why he chose to solve this problem without the aid of a mirror is a mystery to me and a deep regret of David's.

While I was getting the girls' ready for the dress rehearsal today I asked him, "Are you ready to take the dogs for a walk?"

"Well, " he replied, "I can't stop bleeding."

And that is when I looked up and saw my naked husband holding a wad of toilet paper to his most delicate and vulnerable bits.

With one look I knew exactly what had happened.

Reader, I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed.

He got a bit teste (Sorry. Could not resist.)

Dejectedly, he sat upon the bed and ministered to his wound. Closer inspection revealed a half inch long laceration which would not stop bleeding.

I tried to use first aid, but my help only increased the blood flow.

Finally, I had to leave. It was time to take Rebecca and Lily to their dress rehearsal. I left David home, lying in bed, with his wound elevated and his soul depressed.

Dance is a cruel mistress, but manscaping wants blood.


Anonymous said...

Your husband deserves chocolate. xo to all of you Mari

Cheryl said...

The best part of this: "his wound elevated and his soul depressed." Sums it up so beautifully.

Sorry David, but this is pretty damn funny.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

I tried to use first aid, but my help only increased the blood flow.

Female first aid on this area is likely to greatly increase blood flow as the male body has something other than first aid on it brain.

In the future, you use a comb on the clippers and the a vibrating razor for the detailed work.

Once he recovers, you may like the newly redecorated David, but remember there is often a quid pro quo to this kind of thing.

Big Bahama Mama said...

I can't stop laughing.

mgster said...

you are so damn funny!!!!!!!

smalltownmom said...

I'm visiting from Mrs. G's and this is definitely a great post!

Linda said...

Visiting from mrs g's.
I am sure your hubby wasn't laughing at the time but this was funny.
Linda Seattle, WA

Janet said...

here from Mrs. G's...and OUCH!!!

Becca said...

came form Mrs G's. THANK YOU! I needed a laugh today.

Mrs. G. said...

I feel for David but I would have been clutching my stomach and rolling on the floor. Hope all is well down under.