Cooking the bird...

Here it is Thursday night and sadly, I am not able to inform you that the bird carcass has been removed. Our handyman friend is off being handy elsewhere and so we were forced to take matters into our own hands. Since we are lacking a tall ladder, the right tools and an even rudimentary knowledge of bathroom exhaust vent installation, we opted for the liberal arts major solution to a dead bird stuck in a vent:

We ran the exhaust and the heater simultaneously for 24 hours straight.

People, it worked! It cooked that bird and any flies to smithereens. There is no longer the stench of avian death and the flies have gone off in search of new dead baby birds elsewhere.

Happiness had returned to our home, or at least I thought it had.

This morning my newish Keurig coffee maker stopped working. Those of you who pity me read this blog, may remember the demise of my first Keurig coffee maker back in November. I made mistakes in the way I handled that repair. I can see that now. This time I did something radical.

I picked up the phone and called the company.

I'm not sure if I've ever really expressed my aversion to the phone. I hate talking on the phone. How strong is the aversion? If Amy isn't logged into IChat so that we can instant message, I will call her and tell her to log on so that we can text.

My parents are cracking up right now, because there was a time when I spent sixteen hours a day on the phone with my friends discussing absolutely nothing. I am older now and the old lady me hates to use the phone.

Anyway, in spite of this hatred, I called Keurig and explained my problem.

"Have you descaled the brewer recently?" Miss Keurig Lady asked.

"Um, I have no idea what that means." I replied.

Then she went on to explain water hardness and mineral deposits and the space time continuum and honestly I zoned out a bit until she got to the part about vinegar.

Vinegar!

Did you guys know that vinegar is the solution to everything?

Need to wash your windows? Use vinegar!

Out of fabric softener? Use vinegar!

Raging case of thrush? Use vinegar!

Vinegar is the cure to everything apparently and even though I thought that the Keurig lady was playing a mean girl trick on me when she told me to run twenty ounces of white vinegar through my brewer, I listened and then tried it.

It worked. Completely. Perfectly.

I was happy.

Until...

A pantry moth flew out of a cabinet and an earwig made its way across the floor.

I cried and then I ate some chocolate. Then I gathered up my children, loaded them into my damaged minivan and drove away from my house, grateful for the soothing balm of chocolate and coffee and silently cursing Mother Nature and her hateful soldiers of death and infestation.