Monday, May 23, 2011

More meaningless nonsense...

Remember back when I used to update this blog everyday? Me neither, and yet I am sure that for the first year I diligently wrote daily posts chronicling the fascinating details of my life. Lately I have been in survival mode. Survival mode was instituted about two weeks ago when David left for the first leg of an eight week long business trip.

Tips for surviving eight weeks of solo homeschooling parenting:

1. Lower hygiene expectations. Who cares how you smell? The dogs will only love you more if you stink.

2. Stock up on ice cream and coffee. I cannot possibly overemphasize this.

3. Encourage the children to ignore you. Ex. "I will give you a dollar if you go away."

4. Spend time looking into the eyes of gorillas. This one may only apply to me.

That's pretty much my entire survival strategy. Brilliant, eh?

In unrelated news I spent the month of May decluttering my house. The basement is significantly less horrible than it was. The attic now has a play space for the kids. I even went through the junk drawer and purged it. The trick to a tidy house, I am learning, is to own as little as possible. This is not that thrilling of a discovery for a person whose favorite pastime is junking. However, life is not without suffering and so I am learning to live a less junk filled life.

The children and I spent the winter planning a garden. It was going to be wonderful! There would be flowers and vegetables and butterflies flitting around. That was before we realized that there would never be sun in the northeast again. Everything is damp and cold. The rhododendrons which usually are in full bloom by now are closed up tight.

I feel I should also mention a few pet peeves of mine.

1. Asking if my dogs are "toilet trained". Of course they are not toilet trained! They're dogs not monkeys! Are you asking if they are house trained? Why yes, they usually are. Thank you for inquiring into the bowel habits of my dogs.

2. Gorillas are not monkeys. They just aren't. If you are at the zoo and I am standing there and you say to your child, "Look at the monkeys!" I will interrupt with barely restrained fury and say, "Actually, they are apes." And then Rebecca and I will roll our eyes at your stupidity.

3. Caterpillar poop. It's everywhere and since it's been raining it's wet caterpillar poop. Unacceptably gross.

There you have it. Everything you need to know.

3 comments:

Gisele said...

Eight weeks!! You are a saint. Anything you need to do to survive is appropriate and necessary. We will not judge! We will only worship your Momhood.

Also, if you don't mind mud, go plant anyway. Free watering, and you don't have to remember to do it. Our peas have gone insane with all the rain. Of course I didn't have anything for them to climb, so had to put that up in the rain.

Sullygirl said...

I just call them all Primates...this saves me a lot of embarassment expecially from my own child!
Oh, did you know they do not live in "cages", I have been informed they are "habitates" or "houses".
I'm glad you didn't get out of bed and shower today, this way we got a blog post.

Cheryl said...

This is kinda how I've been surviving the rain and my first trimester in the boot.

Tally ho & yar.