New York City Part Two...

On Sunday afternoon we crawled through the congested streets of Little Italy on our way to the wedding of Jenny and Vinay. We were dressed in our wedding finery- all silky and starched. We sat poised through the long traffic so as not to wrinkle our loveliness.

There were people everywhere, limousines double parked, tourists in their jeans and sneakers, and I watched them all with disdain.

My baby had been dead in my dream and it was a chill I could not shake. The crowds of people, the cars jammed together- even the shops and their gaudy trappings were a cold reminder of my needlessness.

We finally arrived at the Angel Oresanz Center for the wedding.

It was gothic and mysterious, moody and magnificent. The light inside was purple and the shadows were dark.

My girls were beautiful.

I managed not to get outright weepy until I saw the beautiful bride.

She was Rebecca's age when I first met her and now she was to be married.

To see Jenny, a girl I watched grow up, fall in love and become a bride was like receiving a post card from my ghostly future self.

Your day will come too. Your babies will grow up and move away.

I cried through the ceremony.

I cried for the love between Vinay and Jenny. I cried for Jenny's mother on seeing her own baby become a wife. And I cried for myself, for the agony and ecstasy which loving a child entails.

The night went on and the music began to play.

It was during the dancing that I finally received the post script from my future self, as I watched Lily dance with a much younger cousin.

Your babies will grow, your love will expand, and your heart will heal in the joy of watching your babies create new love.

You'll be fine, the postcard read, Now go dance...

And so I did.

New York City Part One...

This is a story about New York City.

This is a story about Lily.

This is a story about Lily, New York City and a mother's heart.

This girl is my soul.

Friday night found us at Pepolino's for a rehearsal dinner for the wedding of David's cousin Jennifer to her bridegroom Vinay. It was an extraordinary meal- every morsel deliberate and delicious.

While there Lily decided to sit with my brother and sister in law and their daughter. It was so strange seeing her across the restaurant. She was laughing and eating and charming everyone.

Lily charms with every breath she takes.

I watched her go up to the bar and order herself an orange juice. She met new family members. She mingled and chatted and played and I just watched.

Little by little I felt myself choking and my throat going tight. I could see the future in bittersweet clarity. Lily grown and moving about the world, flying from continent to continent, gracing the world with her joy and laughter.

I could feel the first cracks in my heart begin to form and even now as I write this, I know that some day her leaving will destroy me.

That night I had a horrible dream.

Lily was gone. She was missing, dead, lost- she was gone permanently and there was no bringing her back.

In the dream I wept and cursed and railed. I tore my garments and cried out, "Tell me where she is! I have nothing anymore!"

When I woke from the nightmare, she was next to me sleeping and I thanked god that she was safe and alive and that I could touch her warm skin and hear her breathing.

It was a relief, though a shallow one, because my grief stayed with me, like a cold fist around my heart...

Part Two to be continued...

Crazy...

You may not know this, but I do not like to travel.

Traveling means leaving my comfort zone.

Leaving my comfort zone triggers my crazy side.

My crazy side manifests itself as a main course of free floating anxiety with a side order of irritable.

Yesterday I started packing for our trip to New York City on Friday. Some trips are easy to pack for.

Going to the beach? Bathing suits and sunscreen. Easy

Going to an elegant wedding in New York City which will be preceded by a rehearsal dinner and followed by a brunch? Not so easy.

There is so much to remember.

In addition to needing to pack "nice" clothes, I have to remember all of the instruments of beauty- the curling irons, bobby pins, headbands, hair spray, steam rollers, jewelry, special cosmetics for nights out, Spanx, panty hose and a bunch of other stuff which I can't remember and won't bore you with.

We are also going to be doing some sightseeing so add comfortable shoes, jeans and sweatshirts to the suitcase.

Plus, my evening bag, bathing suits for the pool, ear plugs, my noise machine and special pillow.

What if I forget the girls flower girl dresses? Or my 7.99 thrifted Ralph Lauren gown? Or what if one of my dogs sneaks into the car when no one is looking and he comes to New York City with us?


I just know that I am forgetting something deeply critical which will cause the fall of civilization as we know it!

Usually I like to do a little junking to calm my nerves but I am too busy double checking my list and driving my children all over town to properly self medicate.

For now I am hiding under the covers and snuggling my dogs.

Feel free to send chocolate. Chocolate stuffed with xanax.

We're not in Oz anymore but dreams really do come true...

Hi there, I'm Cheryl from Deckside Thoughts. I'm visiting Shiny Red Houses to tell you about something exciting I have planned for Sara. Shhhh! It's super duper secret.

Sara is my cousin. It would take 1 hour and at least 16 minutes traveling the 59.07 miles to reach each other. I've never been to her home; she's never been to mine. Why? Well, there's that state line that stands between us. While Sara is not a native New Englander, I am. State lines matter here in the northeast. It's journeying into unknown territory regardless of whether I can spit to the line or have to drive an unholy 12 miles to get there. So it's just natural that I would be guest blogging from my comfortable home rather than risk life and limb by crossing over that line to visit Shiny Red Houses in Bad-assachusetts. (Don't blame her for any of this content. I bullied her into letting me post this.)

Sara fancies herself something of an amateur sleuth. Whether an FBI agent, PI, or simply a local dick, she'd like to get involved with her sleuthing on a more serious basis. I can hear the longing in the some of the posts she's written over the past year. My favorite is when she met a private detective working on a case and she tried to take over the case had delusions of grandeur of solving it herself offered her assistance.

I believe people with dreams need to follow them, no matter where they may lead. Thanks to the miracle of Facebook and making friends with invisible people I've never met, I think I may have found a way to help her dream come true.

"At Stiletto Spy School, it isn't just the experience you’ll remember. Achieving goals at Spy School is similar to achieving goals in business and life. You will take away skills you likely would never have learned that will translate to your everyday life:

• The confidence from commanding a weapon and the empowerment you feel after disabling an attacker changes how you perceive life challenges. You will feel more confident in everyday situations.
• You will learn to look for opportunities in unusual places and be prepared for the unexpected.
• And while you may not need stunt driving tips to park your car in the garage, they might just come in handy the next time you drive on an icy road or have to avoid an accident with quick thinking and maneuvers."

Last night I spent some time wandering around on their website. Gliklech Pesach! I learned I could design a very special Stiletto Mission just for Sara. Here's what I believe will be most useful for her as she begins her training to become a dick and live a richer, less homebodied life.

Mission: Get Her Out of the House

Seduction and Flirtation
Seductive dance, the dance of power, teaches how one can use seduction and flirtation with both friends and enemies—essential spy girl knowledge! The advanced moves in this class will leave you breathless. Fun and sexy, but completely non-intimidating, seductive dance is one not to miss.

• Let's face it. She's been married for a gazillion years, homeschools two children, and seldom leaves home. She needs this, even if it's only to renew her belief in her inner ho sex kitten.

McGuyver Survival Skills
If you had to survive on the contents of your purse, how would you fare? Could you fashion a weapon out of everyday objects? You’ll soon know how! This class is full of surprises as you learn uncommon uses for common objects, and the 10 things you should always carry with you that can save your life.

• Okay, we know she carries an abundance of things in her purse. She's constantly cleaning it out and posting the results on Facebook. She'll benefit by learning which of those ordinary items she usually weeds out should stay right where they are and which items need to be added to her arsenal.

Fabulous Lunch Courtesy of Stiletto Spy School

Extreme Stunt Driving
Skids, box turns, and 180s? Emergency lane changes, obstacles, and enemy agents in hot pursuit? Not a problem. We’ll teach you to handle it all and to maneuver your way out of any situation at high speed with skill and aplomb.

• These are more than just lessons for dicks in training, these are meant for the woman who's only lived in states where the people drive as though they have a license to kill. The skills she'll take home with her will help her survive on the mean streets of Bad-assachusetts. When her children are ready to drive, they'll be learning from a pro.

Orienteering and Navigating
Taught by a Reconnaissance Marine, in our Orienteering and Navigating session you'll learn how to read your environment and never lose your way—or your target—again.

• Remember her trip with the children to Harvard this winter? Sure you do. It's the only time she left the house that month. Need I say more? I thought not.

Champagne/Sparkling Cider with Strawberries and Chocolates

Salon Time
Glam-o-rama! After a long day in the field, every spy girl needs a little pampering. We have stylists on hand to bring out your inner glamour queen. Services vary depending on location and may include glam make up, hair styling, mini massages, gorgeous manicures and luxurious pedicures. You’ll feel rejuvenated and ready for more action!

Dinner and Breakfast
Must Eat Foods for "Mission: Get Her Out of the House."

Of course, she can't go alone. What fun would that be? She'll be taking 5 of her closest women friends with her! Round trip airfare to NYC for all is included in the cost of this two-day mission. Full limousine service and transfers will be provided to and from SSS. They'll all be staying in spacious suites in the newly refurbished Avalon Hotel.

Total cost? 602 bazillion George Washingtons!.

The look on her face when she hears about this? Priceless!