Thursday, April 1, 2010

We're not in Oz anymore but dreams really do come true...

Hi there, I'm Cheryl from Deckside Thoughts. I'm visiting Shiny Red Houses to tell you about something exciting I have planned for Sara. Shhhh! It's super duper secret.

Sara is my cousin. It would take 1 hour and at least 16 minutes traveling the 59.07 miles to reach each other. I've never been to her home; she's never been to mine. Why? Well, there's that state line that stands between us. While Sara is not a native New Englander, I am. State lines matter here in the northeast. It's journeying into unknown territory regardless of whether I can spit to the line or have to drive an unholy 12 miles to get there. So it's just natural that I would be guest blogging from my comfortable home rather than risk life and limb by crossing over that line to visit Shiny Red Houses in Bad-assachusetts. (Don't blame her for any of this content. I bullied her into letting me post this.)

Sara fancies herself something of an amateur sleuth. Whether an FBI agent, PI, or simply a local dick, she'd like to get involved with her sleuthing on a more serious basis. I can hear the longing in the some of the posts she's written over the past year. My favorite is when she met a private detective working on a case and she tried to take over the case had delusions of grandeur of solving it herself offered her assistance.

I believe people with dreams need to follow them, no matter where they may lead. Thanks to the miracle of Facebook and making friends with invisible people I've never met, I think I may have found a way to help her dream come true.

"At Stiletto Spy School, it isn't just the experience you’ll remember. Achieving goals at Spy School is similar to achieving goals in business and life. You will take away skills you likely would never have learned that will translate to your everyday life:
  • The confidence from commanding a weapon and the empowerment you feel after disabling an attacker changes how you perceive life challenges. You will feel more confident in everyday situations.
  • You will learn to look for opportunities in unusual places and be prepared for the unexpected.
  • And while you may not need stunt driving tips to park your car in the garage, they might just come in handy the next time you drive on an icy road or have to avoid an accident with quick thinking and maneuvers."
Last night I spent some time wandering around on their website. Gliklech Pesach! I learned I could design a very special Stiletto Mission just for Sara. Here's what I believe will be most useful for her as she begins her training to become a dick and live a richer, less homebodied life.

Mission: Get Her Out of the House

Seduction and Flirtation
Seductive dance, the dance of power, teaches how one can use seduction and flirtation with both friends and enemies—essential spy girl knowledge! The advanced moves in this class will leave you breathless. Fun and sexy, but completely non-intimidating, seductive dance is one not to miss.
  • Let's face it. She's been married for a gazillion years, homeschools two children, and seldom leaves home. She needs this, even if it's only to renew her belief in her inner ho sex kitten.
McGuyver Survival Skills
If you had to survive on the contents of your purse, how would you fare? Could you fashion a weapon out of everyday objects? You’ll soon know how! This class is full of surprises as you learn uncommon uses for common objects, and the 10 things you should always carry with you that can save your life.
  • Okay, we know she carries an abundance of things in her purse. She's constantly cleaning it out and posting the results on Facebook. She'll benefit by learning which of those ordinary items she usually weeds out should stay right where they are and which items need to be added to her arsenal.
Fabulous Lunch Courtesy of Stiletto Spy School

Extreme Stunt Driving
Skids, box turns, and 180s? Emergency lane changes, obstacles, and enemy agents in hot pursuit? Not a problem. We’ll teach you to handle it all and to maneuver your way out of any situation at high speed with skill and aplomb.
  • These are more than just lessons for dicks in training, these are meant for the woman who's only lived in states where the people drive as though they have a license to kill. The skills she'll take home with her will help her survive on the mean streets of Bad-assachusetts. When her children are ready to drive, they'll be learning from a pro.
Orienteering and Navigating
Taught by a Reconnaissance Marine, in our Orienteering and Navigating session you'll learn how to read your environment and never lose your way—or your target—again.
  • Remember her trip with the children to Harvard this winter? Sure you do. It's the only time she left the house that month. Need I say more? I thought not.
Champagne/Sparkling Cider with Strawberries and Chocolates

Salon Time
Glam-o-rama! After a long day in the field, every spy girl needs a little pampering. We have stylists on hand to bring out your inner glamour queen. Services vary depending on location and may include glam make up, hair styling, mini massages, gorgeous manicures and luxurious pedicures. You’ll feel rejuvenated and ready for more action!

Dinner and Breakfast
Must Eat Foods for "Mission: Get Her Out of the House."

Of course, she can't go alone. What fun would that be? She'll be taking 5 of her closest women friends with her! Round trip airfare to NYC for all is included in the cost of this two-day mission. Full limousine service and transfers will be provided to and from SSS. They'll all be staying in spacious suites in the newly refurbished Avalon Hotel.

Total cost? 602 bazillion George Washingtons!.

The look on her face when she hears about this? Priceless!


Valley Girl said...

Hi Sara,
Asked Hubby to take Madigan for a toy for tomorrow- post operative treats....she's worth it. I was going to take a nap but just had to see what you were up to....
This spy stuff sounds cool. Hope you have a blast!
Uhhh a feet wouldn't know what to do!!

Anonymous said...

Lucky Duck! xoxo Mari

Julie said...

She'll have to work on a couple of skills. She can get rained on in her sleep and not know it. She's also been getting an ass-kicking potty mouth on here lately. Her Mary statue is going to trip her up the stairs again if she doesn't watch it. (It's probably housing a nun-o-cam)

Lisa said...

lol!!! She'll love it! Can it be online so she doesn't ahve to leave home?
Hugs, Lisa