Saturday, August 8, 2009

Squalor...

Whenever I know that company is coming I always start looking around my home with a more critical eye.

My mother and her beau are coming for a visit this week and so I have been mentally making a list of what needs to be done around here before they arrive.

The yard has been at the top of that list. It's been ignored for months, except by Lily who rolls around in the dirt and the dogs who contribute nothing but poop and pee.

It's not entirely my fault.

It rained for most of June and the first two weeks of July.

Then it got hot and humid. You know how I feel about hot and humid, so when I felt a cool breeze blowing in through the window this morning I knew that the day of weeding had arrived. I tried to enlist the help of the children.

One of them helped for a while until she went on a break from which she never returned.

The other child, whose name begins with an "L" and ends with an "ily", was pretty much a complete pain in my behind the entire time.

She was too cold, required different shoes, needed a shovel, needed a stick, needed the stick Rebecca had, was too hot, was hungry, wanted cereal, wanted more milk in her cereal, the cereal was too soggy, she was too cold, the dogs were too annoying, there was a bee, there was a dead bee, there were red ants, a scary spiderweb, a spider (!), dog poop on the lawn, was hungry for something besides cereal, wanted a waffle, wanted the waffle cut smaller, was cold again, and wanted to go swimming.

I only wish that this was an exaggeration.

Rebecca's contribution to the day was to tell me again and again and in great detail about the noise that her sty made when it finally ruptured. That's right. A story about pus. Sixteen times.

So I weeded and cleaned out the sandbox and powerwashed my fake brick driveway. The flower garden no longer looks like a mini jungle and I sent David out for mulch so tomorrow I can make it pretty and my mother will have no idea that my backyard looked like a vacant overgrown lot just yesterday.

I have some shutters to paint and install onto David's office. By the way, the shutters were free! Someone was tossing them so I stopped the car and sent Rebecca to get them. I was so proud. My little girl's first garbage picking.

The inside of my house? Squalor. Pure squalor. The animals are all shedding and it seems that they like to sit on the stairs and will their fur to fall out in clumps. It gathers and forms into new life which quickly grows larger and develops a very bad attitude. Those dust bunnies are like hells angels, all cussing and intimidation.

Also, remember how when I painted Rebecca's floor white I didn't bother to sand first? Well, now the paint is peeling in a few places so I need to sand those spots and repaint.

I am not showing you pictures of these horrors, you will just have to trust me that Martha would berate me mightly for the current state of affairs.

Don't worry though, I have plenty of coffee and chocolate to keep me fueled these next few days as I whip this rat hole into shape. Stay tuned, if you're lucky maybe I'll have another pus story to tell you!

6 comments:

Pom Pom said...

I showed my daughter your blog and she said, "Her house is adorable." So, yeah. Your mom and her beau will love being with you and they'll expect dog hair - I do when I go to my kids houses. I'm very impressed that you were able to whip the yard into shape in just one day! Thanks again for the lovely Godiva chocolates. I figure they are only one point each on Weight Watchers, but after weigh in day . . . I might be surprised! Have a great time hosting your mama. I love the strategy mentioned - go on a small break and never return. I didn't think people noticed.

lorettepeloquin said...

Your house is always delightfully lovely, your yard welcoming, and your many pets sheds less than my one cat. I have enough cat fur blowing around my house to clothe several bald cats. In fact, mine should be bald for all the fur he spontaneously expels onto my floors, furniture and beds. So stop aiming for perfection and just make sure there is tea, sugar twin and Diet coke in the house. That's all it takes to make it perfect. We are looking forward to seeing all the wonderfully creative things you have done to the house. You have always had such flair and style. And your faux bricks are truly beautiful, not to mention an incredibly amibitious project.

Love,
Mom

Jean said...

Oh Sara, You should definitely write a book. You will overcome, the coffee and chocolate will give you super Mommy strength. Alas, there is no solution to pet hair dust bunnies. My dog should be bald with all that floats around my house but the hair just keeps on multiplying. You have a "Fun" weekend.
Jean in virginia

mgster said...

Holy Crow! How did I manage to miss the day you wrote about that painted driveway? I have never seen anything like that. NEVER! LOL And you know what...it really does look like brick. At least looking at the pictures. And I do love pus stories...uh huh. I was just thinking that it would be fun to live next door to you. Especially on a hot day when the windows were open and your family was outside. Why would I even need to turn on my TV with the great entertainment coming loud and clear from your yard. And you could come over and borrow an egg, and I could come over and borrow a chocolate!

Ginger said...

LMAO...I agree with Jean, you should write a book. You are just too funny to keep hidden at home. And I like what your mom had to say too. She loves visiting you no matter what...dead birds, dog hair, overgrown yard, paint peeling...doesn't matter. lol.

Michael said...

I thought women existed to protect men from white and beige. The Bible writers got that whole Adam and Eve thing wrong. Eve didn't eat from the forbidden tree. She just grabbed the apple and said "Hey, Adam, wouldn't this color spice up the bedroom."

Man tip: The floors of old homes were often treated with a wax thinned with a petroleum compound. You need to sand the floors. The good news is that there is nothing better for a hubby's high cholesterol than carrying an orbital floor sander up a flight of stairs.